“I’d rather adjust my life to your absence than live with your disrespect.”
That quote stopped mi in my tracks. The older I get, the more I realize how true it is.
For some of us, though, it’s a difficult lesson to learn.
We’re the people who love deeply.
We see the best in others.
We give second chances, then a third and a fourth.
We make excuses because we know life is hard, people are hurting, and nobody is perfect.
But somewhere along the way, many of us begin accepting behavior we should never have tolerated in the first place.
Disrespect.
Broken promises.
Being an afterthought. And end up feeling like we’re only important when it’s convenient.
Here’s what I’ve learned: People make time for what matters to them.
Yes, life gets busy.
We all have seasons when work, family, illness, or unexpected circumstances consume our attention. But over time, priorities become patterns.
If someone continually has time for everyone but you… If you’re always the one reaching out… if you’re constantly making excuses for why they didn’t call, didn’t show up, or didn’t follow through… Stop explaining away what their actions are already telling you.
Don’t fight for closure.
Don’t chase answers.
Don’t expect an explanation.
Actions will always speak louder than words.
Sometimes the healthiest thing you can do is erase the message, delete the number, and move on.
You don’t have to hate them. You don’t even have to forget them.
You simply have to accept that they may have been meant for one chapter of your story, not the rest of it.
David Foster Wallace says, “You’ll stop worrying what other people think about you, when you realize how seldom they actually do.”
Remember that not everyone thinks, feels, or loves the way you do. The way someone treats you often reflects their character, their emotional maturity, and where they are in life far more than it reflects your worth. And not every action deserves your reaction.
But I’ve still learned to examine myself first. Asking whether I could have handled something better. Was my tone unkind? Did my words hurt someone? If I’m wrong, I’ll apologize.
It’s also important to remember…. You know yourself better than anyone else ever will. So, don’t allow people who haven’t lived one day of your life to define your value.
Growth requires humility. But humility doesn’t mean accepting disrespect.
There’s a difference.
Just because someone throws garbage your way doesn’t mean you have to dig through it looking for something valuable.
Not every opinion deserves your energy.
Not every criticism deserves your attention.
Not every relationship deserves unlimited access to your heart.
One of the healthiest things we can do is become more open-minded.
Listen without arguing.
Disagree without becoming aggressive or hostile.
Respect another person’s perspective without making it our own.
We spend so much time forcing people to meet our expectations when sometimes we have to accept that some people are who they are going to be and we shouldn’t try to fix them, change them or tolerate them.
It takes both sun and rain to make a rainbow.
But when someone’s behavior becomes a consistent pattern of disrespect, the answer isn’t to argue louder. Sometimes the answer is simply… Let them.
Let them make their choices. Let them show you who they are.
Let them reveal where you fit into their priorities.
Then you decide what you’ll do next.
Accept what flows flows and what crashes crashes.
Don’t settle for being someone’s convenience.
Don’t choose to be the person they call only when everyone else is unavailable.
Don’t accept crumbs when you deserve a seat at the table.
Don’t let your loyalty keep you in situations that your common sense has been trying to lead you out of.
And yes, sometimes the hardest boundaries you’ll ever have to set are with family. Blood may make you relatives, but respect builds healthy relationship foundations. You’re not walking away to teach people a lesson; you’re walking away because you’ve learned yours.
You’ve learned what you deserve. Life is too short to chase people who don’t choose you.
Instead, invest your time in the people who notice when you get a little quiet.
The people who check on you.
The people who celebrate your successes and stand beside you during your struggles. Those are your people.
The bottom line is this:
Everyone will disappoint you at some point. No relationship is perfect. But healthy relationships are built on mutual love, respect, effort, and honesty.
People make time for what matters to them. Make sure you’re spending your time with the ones who make time for you and matter to you…
(and make sure to check on the quiet ones).
© c. michelle bryant griffin
